


I Mean I Want To Win But Not Like This

by Remy_Etienne_Creed



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Awkward Crush, Emetophilia, Fluff, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hurt/Comfort, Negan is crushing harder than a 12 year old girl, Sick Character, Sickfic, Simon likes Negan but Negan likes Rick but Rick likes not being enslaved, Vomiting, budding tolerance, maybe a bit of love, sexual harassment? Don’t you mean flirting?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 02:11:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15038387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remy_Etienne_Creed/pseuds/Remy_Etienne_Creed
Summary: A companion piece to Demonic Possession Style by CreeperEyes. You might as well call it Jack Harkness it’s such a companion. Negan has been completely out of it for a few days and figures he’s gotta be better by now, right? Spoiler alert: he’s not. And this time he gets sick in front of long time crush, Rick Grimes. How’s a guy supposed to sweep someone off their feet when they can barely walk?Or, alternatively, the one where Rick really wants Negan dead and all but...not like this. Never like this. There may be some sweet little police boy left in him after all. (And maybe that part doesn’t really want Negan dead)





	I Mean I Want To Win But Not Like This

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CreeperEyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreeperEyes/gifts), [Jaysop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaysop/gifts).



> Hey all. Love me some sick Doms. There is not enough of that in the world so here’s some more. Not at all related to The Way Things Are Here. If you like Mpreg and like just fucking psychopaths read that fanfic too if you desire. God, I haven’t done this since I was like in high school but I’m gonna include some fucking music. Moterhead, STYX, Van Halen’s Hot for Teacher, Queen and as always Alice Cooper. Throw some punk in there my personal favorite, Titus Andronicus. And you know what why the hell not? Negan can be postpunk if he wants. He can be Ian Curtis too if he wants. Let’s throw in some hipster trash. Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division. Maybe sick!Negan who’s all up in his own head about how some motherfucker made him fall in love (ew right? Feel you Negan.) Also if you haven’t realized that Negan is in canon bisexual are we even watching the same show?

_Now that I’m finally 26, just smother it with a cigarette. No, I haven’t had dinner yet —what about it?!—Titus Andronicus, My Eating Disorder_

“Well, will you look at that! Rick motherfucking Grimes!”, Negan crowed. He’d started the day feeling alright, managed to keep some shit down and all but the drive over had NOT helped. End of the fucking world, not a damn soul on the road and the idiots working for him still managed to be bad drivers.

Rick, as always, stood ready and at the gates, glare in place before Negan even got out of the truck. He had to be practicing ahead of time because goddamnit Negan just could not get that motherfucker to crack a smile. He could threaten him, yeah, but where was the fun in that. No, Rick Grimes would smile at him in his own due time. He always let the really good ones break themselves. A man like Rick was worth a nice, long chase.

“Open the gates Eye Candy! I wanna get a good look at my favorite settlement.”, he barked. Negan took a moment to leer at Token Latina as they rolled them back. Damn. How the hell did that bitch always have on tinier little fucking shorts every time he saw her?! Not that he minded. Girl had some great legs on her. Looks like he knew where to find Arat when he needed her.

He tried not to need her. Arat was his probably his favorite lady next to Lucille herself. And Rick’s people were one good looking bunch. If he was here to flirt with Rick, which everyone knew he was, his High Command could flirt with whoever they wanted too. Only seemed fair. Only rules were to keep your eyes off Rick and no hands on stuff unless it was consensual. Arat had been after that Hispanic girl since she laid eyes on her and Negan wished her all the best.

“I live here. Who else were you expecting?”, grunted the fairest of them all. Pretty as a princess with the manners of a stable boy. Oh fuck, was Rick Grimes ever Negan’s type!

“Well you weren’t last time. Which was very rude, by the way. I even cooked. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to hurt my feelings.”, Negan drawled, throwing an arm around Rick’s shoulder. He’d managed to kiss him on the cheek before but didn’t want to play his hand too early in the game so he settled for a quick squeeze. “But hell, you know I can’t stay mad at you. Even left a present.”

Rick just grunted an affirmation and tried to pull away.

Negan just held him tighter. He dropped his volume to almost a whisper, “Did you like it, Rick? That rich kid’s corpse? Made it just for you.”

Rick’s face went pale and he nearly stumbled. Negan positively howled with laughter. Yeah, he’d be just fine. So what if everything in his inside seemed like it’d rather be on the outside? He couldn’t just lay around puking his fucking guts out forever. He had shit to do and people to scare. He’d had enough of feeling miserable. So Rick. So far it’d been a perfect plan. Wasn’t doing much for his stomach but Negan hadn’t been in this good of a mood in days. That had to count for something. He was sure Simon and Eugene would think so anyways.

“In the future if you ever feel like giving me something I’d prefer it not be body parts.”, Rick hissed. So picky. But Negan didn’t like shrinking violets. No problem with someone knowing their worth if they were worth something though. And Rick here was worth every single life Negan chose to end for him.

Negan gave him a truly lewd grin in return. “Now you know that’s not a promise I’d be willing to make. I’m sorry Rick but your price is too high. I’ve been trying to give you some of mine since I saw you after all.”, he sneered, pulling Rick closer. It fit with the attitude he was throwing but the truth was he just wanted Rick near. It was a funny thing. Everyone was dressed like it was hot as dicks out and Negan just couldn’t get warm enough.

Lucky it didn’t seem like Rick had noticed anything but Negan’s hand having slipped down to his hip. “Let me go ahead and save you some time. No.”, he growled, trying to squirm away. Negan struggled to keep him. He wouldn’t have managed it unless Simon, who Negan somehow hadn’t even noticed trailing them, cocked his gun. Rick settled the fuck down pretty quick.

Negan shot Simon a weak glare over his shoulder. He couldn’t find it in him to do much more when instead of looking amused his second in command just seemed concerned. It wasn’t like Negan was against Simon playing wing man or anything. Just kinda put a dent in his whole not threatening Rick agenda. What kind of gentleman wins a lady or fine ass man over with force? 

”Oh, Rick you little fucking prude. You’re gonna be tight as a chorus boy, aren’t ya? For you? I’ll take it slow as you want, baby.”, Negan said deciding that since he’d braved the hellride over just for Rick’s company they were beyond innuendo.

”You disgust me.”, Rick replied with a shudder. 

Negan choose to interpret it as a shiver of undeniable pleasure brought on by his seduction. Negan was shivering too and he’d chalk it to the same thing. Rick _was_ pretty fucking hot. Besides, Negan couldn’t be cold everyone else was starting to sweat just walking around. And, of course, that just made Rick even more like he’d stepped out of a porno. If Negan didn’t want him so bad he’d hate him because no one but him had the right to be so damn fine.

”And yet you find me strangely attractive.”, Negan shot back. He grabbed Rick’s hand. Thank Christ they were at the Grimes house because it’d hit Negan like he’d walked into a brick wall. He absolutely could not take one more step. And it was more than just his stomach protesting now. It hurt to breathe, to think, to walk, to be alive. How was he meant to pretend he wasn’t cold when his fucking teeth were chattering? 

Shit. If it weren’t for Rick he would call this off that’s how bad he felt. Nothing else was worth this hell, not even his ego. The Saviours all knew by now how fucked up he was whether he wanted them to or not, anyway. Word travels fast when your boss nearly pukes up blood in front of half the damn world. Fuck, Negan might be in love with Rick Grimes now that he thought about it.

”What’s the hurry?”, Negan forced out and hoped his voice wasn’t shaking. “I got to have a nice little heart to heart with the kid last time. I want my chance to with his daddy too.” It was a flimsy excuse and Negan could do better if he weren’t trying so damn hard to hold himself still. It did the trick though. No one would doubt anything involving Rick to be his motive.

“No thanks, I’d really rather help you steal from us some more.”, Rick snapped.

Negan’s head was throbbing. The best he could manage was a quick, “Sit the fuck down, Rick.” He should have gotten an Oscar or something for acting like flopping back into the wicker chair was a choice. He’d straight up just collapsed.

Negan had never seen Rick obey a command so quickly and he prayed that Rick was just tired or something. He took it all back. He didn’t want Rick to see him like this. Curiosity killed the cat and Negan felt like one that’d been run over a few hundred times, that’s for sure. He didn’t have to try to look hot, of course, but he liked to throw in a little bit of something extra for Rick. Right now, though, he just wanted to be back in the Sancturary where he could feel like shit in peace.

“Negan?”, Simon called and Negan looked up just a second too late to be normal. But it was too late, Rick had noticed that. His eyes were always scanning Negan for weakness and Negan just HAD to choose to visit him on the day there might actually be some to find.

“What?”, Negan managed through gritted teeth. He actually couldn’t tell what was bothering him most when everything hurt so bad. He kind of envied the cat that curiosity killed though. God, anything had to be better than this.

“Just...you’ve got a eavesdropper is all.”, Simon pointed out looking nearly as pained as Negan felt. Huh. Damn, he was loyal. Negan made a note to let him have any wife he wanted when- if, he tried not to think- they got back tonight.

Negan realized he was hunched over, an arm around his middle. Against every lick of sense he had he straightened up. Sure enough though, Rick’s son was watching them through a window wearing a baby version of his father’s glare. Damn, he was just a mini Rick and that made him smile despite everything. God Rick had made some adorable kids. “Hey Carl!”, he called and waved with more enthusiasm than should have been possible for him.

Of course the kid wouldn’t join them because a complete lack of manners ran in the family but at least Negan could understand his animosity. He might not be so keen on hanging around with a man who was actively trying to fuck the one parent he had left either. He liked the black girl though and Negan still couldn’t figure out how she’d managed that. 

He felt the familiar burn in his stomach and hunched forward. He spoke again trying to distract from it, “Haven’t seen you in nearly two weeks, Rick. Did ya miss me?”

”Like I miss the bullet in my chest.”, Rick spat back but his eyes were narrowed not in hate but interest. So he knew it too. Negan was going to end up throwing up again. Well, at least they were all on the same page. No surprises. Awesome. If Simon cared at all he would shoot him.

This was just plain mean. Everybody here knew what was going to happen but they were gonna just wait for him to humiliate himself? FUCK EVERYTHING. He could understand Rick at least he was too repressed to look at their sexual tension as hatred but his best friend?! Come on! Fuck it. If they were gonna let him make a mess of himself then he’d do it. Negan would just pretend this was a fucking garden party until he crashed it by puking on everything. 

He set his jaw stubbornly as he continued on, “You were shot, Rick?”. And if Negan ever got to feeling better he might just have to go pay a visit to whoever’d done it. Despite how sick he’d ended up the disembowling part of his last trip to Alexandria had been pretty fucking cool. He woildn’t mind adding that to the old trick book permanently. It’d have been more than earned everyone from his people to the Hilltop to that lunatic with the rennisance fair knew better than to give Rick so much as a scratch. Rick Grimes was his and had been the second Negan had seen him. He was under a damn powerful man’s protective hand. No one would dare lay a hand on that boy but him. 

Surprisingly Rick answered him, “Yeah.”. His words were coming slow and thoughtful. Negan let himself think it was from concern for him and not calculating how best to use this against him. It made things seem a bit brighter. “Before all this in the line of duty. Was in a coma and woke up in the middle of the apocalypse. My wife and Carl were gone. Never thought I’d see them again.”

And that was just so unbearably cute and SO Rick that Negan nearly forgot about the twinge of acid on the back of his tongue. How else would Rick get shot? Playing Hero of course. God, what Negan would give to see Rick in uniform. He desperately wanted to see that scar. The thought probably would have turned him on if there were any blood left in his body for a hard-on. And what he could have done to Rick with him in those handcuffs...fuck, his body almost managed to rally.

”Negan?”, someone called again softly. And holy fuck that had been Rick! Negan could rally for that.

He swallowed thickly against the acid creeping it’s way up. “That bitch!”, he forced out. But the sentiment was anything but. “They couldn’t have forced me to leave your side if you got hurt.” It was true. Negan loved him, goddamnit. That’s why this was gonna suck so bad. Because Rick would laugh at him for this. And it’d be a hell of a lot harder to live in denial that one day Rick would come around then.

Rick had had enough. Of course he would always so serious. He couldn’t just settle the fuck down for a second and let things happen. “What the hell is wrong with you?”, he demanded.

Negan waved him off even though a hand was clamped over his mouth. “Not a damn thing, Rick.”, he practically whined. If the nausea wasn’t bad enough before Negan had just piled some self loathing on top of that. He gagged.

”Fuck, you’re about to throw up.”, Rick realized.

**Author's Note:**

> I mean I didn’t want to break it into two chapters but like I didn’t mean it for to be SO FUCKING long either but well shit here we are. I know my Negan dips into some really dark points. I tried not to. Trust me compared to my last fanfiction with him he’s a fucking sweetheart here. I am not not under any impressions that deep down Negan is a good guy. I tried to imulate the Negan from CreeperEyes work but my own view of Negan is so dark that is of a violent, selfish, psychopath. I don’t think Negan loves Rick so much as he converts him like a dragon with treasure. It’s all about owning him. Doesn’t mean you can’t still like him as a character and as a pure villain. This Negan is a little softer though. He wants Rick to want to belong to him when he owns him? Again this story has NO relation to my other one.


End file.
